Tuesday, 9 July 2019

Pain...and my relationship to it

At a retreat a couple of years ago in Devon my teacher suggested to me that I had a somewhat suspect relationship to pain.

And I realised that he was right.

I mean, hardly any of us like pain, but it is a necessary part of life and if we are denying it and doing everything we can to avoid feeling it, we're not living our lives as free, but as some level "on the run".  And that's where I was at.  At some level addicted to my identity as "suffering" but not willing to drop underneath that and simply feel the pain (along with the pleasure and the more neutral feelings).  I wasn't willing to feel everything, which is a pity, because life is everything from intense pleasure to intense pain and through every shade in between.

I feel like I've been reassessing and renegotiating my relationship with pain since then.

I wouldn't say that even now it's always healthy or functional, but it feels like it's more in that direction.

Here's a poem at arrived this morning which speaks a little to where I find myself on this now:


It’s not about 
whether we carry pain.
We all do. 

It’s about whether we are
Driven by it
Into tiny acts 
Of Desperation

Or whether we can find the space
To listen and meet that pain 
With love 
Whilst loving the space and the ease
That were always here too, alongside.

Whether we can find the joy of living
In the midst of the pain and the pleasure...

Ending our negotiation with life,

Instead submitting
To be free
In our little boat

Riding the waves. 


With love and (more inclusion)