I've been revisiting my relationship with trying recently.
I realise that I last wrote about this 6 years ago!
I'm now recognising that trying is completely tangled up in everything, and that it's a great route into seeing where I'm coming from.
When I'm coming from my personality, there's trying happening. When I'm coming from space, curiosity and love, on the whole it isn't.
And it's not black and white - the more I'm rooted in personality, the more trying and vice versa.
So, when I notice myself trying, this gives me a choice. To continue doing what I was doing and carry on trying, or to drop it and enjoy the space that arises.
Here are 2 poems that arrived yesterday out of this inquiry:
An old man tells a young boy a story
Of the two wolves fighting inside every person
One is black, unkind and mean
One is white and noble
They are engaged in an eternal struggle
Upon its outcome rests the fate of the world.
"But which one wins?" asks the young boy?
"Whichever one you feed." replies the old man, "Whichever one you feed".
True Inquiry is the opposite of doing
It is allowing.
It doesn't know where it's going.
There is no destination
Just a constant unfolding.
There is no trying
Because trying is trying to achieve something
And that presumes a known goal
And a person who will achieve it.
The truth is we don't know our destination
Or what is, in fact, for the best.
The one who thinks they know
Is not the one we really are.
When trying falls away
Not knowing becomes apparent,
Including pain and difficulty
In the midst of vast space
Including ease, grace and joy
In kind space.
Being as interested in the space
As what arises.
Just an open heart.
If you find yourself trying,
You are not wrong.
You're just feeding the other wolf.
Where you're coming from
Determines where you're going.
If you're trying
You're not ready.
With love and letting go