Looking after the vulnerable and young parts...

Over the past 5 years I've had a series of increasingly touching set of meetings with the vulnerable "young" parts of my being, which psychologists or psychotherapists tend to call "the Inner Child".

My understanding of this framing is that the parts of us that get emotional (and especially scared) never really grow up and forever function as if they are a small child.  That's certainly how it feels to me when I meet these parts of me.

This "child" doesn't really engage via rational reasoning - it's too young for that.  The main language it speaks is feelings and the main things it needs are being listened to with love and reassurance that it is OK and loved just as it is, and that in the midst of the fear it is feeling, all is in fact well.

This is essentially the way we would relate with a young pre-verbal child - love, warmth, attention and hugs.  And it makes the most beautiful difference.

I had some very touching realisations about this following a recent retreat and two poems arose.

Here they are:

Running and Resting

I have spent 

the whole of my life

until now

running on empty

driven by the distress

of a child inside me

desperate to be held

and stroked 

and told “It’s ok, I’m here”

and told “you’re ok exactly as you are...

...I love you

just like this.

No need to move a muscle

No need to change a thing

You are safe

You are so very very loved

Just like this.”

Rest now honey.

No need to run

Ever again. 

I’m with you. 

We can rest

together. 

With love, gratitude and gentle resting. 

 ~

He

He

My little one

Is my first priority.

He had had some 

Pretty scary experiences

Coming into the world 

So he’s often not sure

If he can trust

Life. 

If left without reassurance 

He spends most of his time

On amber or red alert. 

With alarm bells ringing. 

Which is really understandable. 

In the circumstances. 

When doesn’t get the reassurance,

That he needs 

To feel safe enough,

he feels desperate.

And desperate measures are called for...

Something, anything will do

To switch off the alarm

Or distract from the pain.

Life for both of us,

He and me,

Becomes a scrabble 

For safety -

Doing deals

Trying to manipulate or control the world 

Trying to get reassurance “you’re ok”. 

Yet it is never enough. 

When I remember that he

Is only a part of me

When I remember myself

As the vast open space

When I fall in love with silence...

I can hold him 

so very gently

with no agenda 

other to be with him

and everything else 

that appears in me

exactly as they are. 

And everything can feel held

In love. 

And can feel safe enough to

Come out to play

And dance

With no motive 

Other than to be life 

Meeting life. 

Like waves waving 

And meeting

On a vast ocean. 

The ocean doesn’t mind

 a few choppy waves 

The ocean doesn’t mind being a huge tsunami 

The ocean doesn’t mind being as flat as a millpond. 

This is how god loves us. 

This is who we are. 

~

With love, tenderness, wonder and vast vast space 

Daniel